


Babysitter

by dawnangel14



Category: One Piece
Genre: Babysitting, Comedy, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 18:36:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/653215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnangel14/pseuds/dawnangel14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Nojiko gets married, Nami needs a babysitter for her daughter, and Robin is the only option left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Babysitter

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, come on. You know there's no better babysitter in the world than a former assassin ;)
> 
> Hints of Zoro/Nami and Ace/Nojiko. Hope it doesn't bother you. And I hope there's not too much OoC! Sitll not convinced about the end... I might modify it later on.
> 
> And btw, for those who don't remember Rika is the little girl who helped Zoro on the Captain Morgan arc.

"We can't go."

Those three simple words made the redhead snap.

"What do you mean we're not going?" Nami roared at her husband, furiously. "It's my sister's wedding! Of course we're going!"

"Calm down, woman" Zoro asked, annoyed at her loud voice. "No need for yelling."

"No need for being so lazy as well. But I don't see that changing soon either."

"So then, tell me. Who's taking care of Rika?"

" _You_  were supposed to take care of that!" Nami replied. "I'm the maid of honor! I  _have_  to be there!"

"It's not like I haven't  _tried_! But it's impossible to get a good babysitter in one day! And I actually found the perfect one but..."

"Yes?" "The stupid ero-cook scared her, it seems she was too beautiful for him to resist." "Damn him."

"And we have to get him out of prison by the way. It seems she was underage."

"Ok, let's get calm and solve this." Nami decided to appeal to her common sense and solve this crisis. She took a deep breath and sat down.

"How about you call one of your friends to watch over her?" Zoro suggested.

"Well, that seems like a good plan, but which one of them is  _not_  going to this wedding?"

"How about Caimie?"

"She's a waitress there. Hachi got her the job, since he's the chef of the wedding."

"Ok. Kaya?"

"She's going as Usopp's date. You know that."

"I didn't remember." Zoro admitted.

"Maybe Tashigi could watch him over?" Nami commented.

"I already asked her. She has to work today. Kalifa?"

"I'm not letting my daughter anywhere  _near_  that bitch!"

"It's better than not going..."

"She tried to rape me! Absolutely not!"

"Fine. What about Cindry?"

"I don't want my daughter to randomly start throwing dishes at me. So my answer is no."

"We will never get this over with if we're so picky!"

"Shut up! Why don't you ask Perona?"

"I tried. She's off with Mihawk on vacation. Pennsylvania."

"Strangely, I see that happening." Nami sighed.

"What about Vivi?"

"She's going too."

"Really? Does she know Nojiko?"

"No, but she's friends with Ace. Oh, what about Robin?"

Zoro looked at her, as if asking if she was being serious about it.

"Robin? You mean like, Nico Robin? Your friend Robin?"

"Unless you know Batman's partner, yeah, that's who I meant." Zoro rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"You know I don't trust that woman."

"Oh, come on! You don't trust anyone! And she's one of my best friends! And she would probably be extremely annoyed if we make her do it!"

"You think so?" Zoro looked at her, intrigued. Her smile was pure mischief.

"Just let me handle this."

 

 

**oo00oo00oo00oo00oo**

That evening, the doorbell rang and Zoro quickly opened the door. He was wearing his tuxedo, but was still struggling to get his tie properly. Robin came in, took his tie and quickly made the knot.

"Nami's fitting into her dress. She'll be down soon."

"Ok." Robin nodded as the green-haired man walked towards the bathroom.

As if on cue, Nami descended the stairs, looking completely stunning in her light-green strapless dress. Her older friend smiled in approval.

"You look great in that dress, Nami-chan."

"Thanks! Nojiko chose it." Nami giggled. "So, how are you?"

"I ran into Crocodile and Paula on my way here. Other than that, I'm completely fine."

"I'm sorry about that. It's not your fault, that guy was an idiot."

"Is." Robin corrected. "He's still alive."

"Well, that's easy to fix." Nami laughed. "Oh my, I'm starting to sound like you!"

"Thank you." Robin smiled at her friend. "So, what did you want me to come here for?"

"Oh, that. It's just... well, you know..." Nami stuttered.

"Oi, Nami. You ready?" Zoro came towards her, followed by a little girl with brown hair.

"You're going to Aunt Nojiko's wedding?" Rika asked.

"Yeah. I'm sorry you can't come Rika, but it's really a grown-up thing, you would get bored anyway." Nami explained to her sweetly. "But you know what? You won't stay alone."

"Oh. Is Uncle Luffy coming over?"

"No."

"Aunt Vivi?"

"No."

"Uncle Sanji?"

"Oh crap! We forgot about him!" Nami screamed in horror.

"We'll get him on the way to the wedding." Zoro replied.

"We should get going then!" Nami decided standing up. "Don't worry Rika, your Aunt Robin will take care of you."

"I beg your pardon?" the brunette looked at her, puzzled.

"I'm sorry Robin but I have no one else to turn to. Will you watch her? Thank you, you're awesome, bye!"

Nami and Zoro practically ran towards the car and left the house before the historian could even react.

"Well that was a surprise." she looked down towards the small child. "Are you by any chance interested in ancient greek history?"

 

 

**oo00oo00oo00oo00oo**

A couple of hours passed. Rika had spent the time playing on her room, but she was getting bored of playing alone, so she got up and started looking for her mother's friend.

She found her at the bureau. Robin was looking at the books the small family possessed. Some were fairy tales, some others about cartography and navigation, and some others about swords and adventures. It didn't take a genius like her to guess which literature belong to which member of the family.

"Aunt Robin, can you play with me?" Rika asked innocently.

"Does your game include severely injuring people?"

"No!" she defended inmediately. "Of course not, it's completely harmless!"

"Oh... well, that's disappointing." then she noticed Rika was getting sad and corrected herself. "So, what game is it?"

"Twister!" the girl exclaimed.

Rika took Robin's hand and dragged her to her bedroom, where tons of board games could be found on one of the shelves. She took one of them and handed it to the older woman.

"I thought you would like it." the girl smiled.

"Really? How so?" Robin asked, curious.

"Well, dad said you like twisting things. Or that you are twisted. Or something like that."

"Of course he did." she examined the game closer. "But I believe this game is to be played with more people, so someone else can spin the roulette."

"Oh, that's right!"

"Let's see what other games you've got then."

 

 

**oo00oo00oo00oo00oo**

"Aunt Robin, I'm bored." Rika claimed.

"Really? I thought we were having a good time." Robin frowned, sincerely confused.

"That's because you're winning. Again." Rika sighed as she removed her knight from the chess board.

"But you still have chances of winning this time." she pointed out.

"I don't think so..."

"Oh, come on. You can give it a try."

"Well, if you say so... Here it goes!"

"Checkmate" Robin sighed as she moved her queen.

"Again? It's not fair, how can you be so good at this?"

"I believe my skills were abscribed at birth."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Hey, why don't we get something to eat?"

"I don't see why not."

The two of them walked towards the kitchen. Once there, Robin opened the fridge and analyzed its contents.

"Hm. Pizza it is then."

 

 

**oo00oo00oo00oo00oo**

With dinner over, Robin decided to clean the dishes while the little girl watched tv. After finishing said chore, she joined her on the living room, where Rika was watching Dora The Explorer.

"Hola amigos." greeted Dora, waving her hand.

"Hola!" Rika shot back, waving her hand at the tv too.

"She can't hear you." Robin pointed out.

"I know Aunt Robin, it's just a game." Rika protested.

"I fail to see the entertainment in talking to someone who can't answer."

"You'll see. Oh, look, it's Swiper the Fox! It's going to steal the fruits!"

"Oh, so this will be entertaining after all." the brunette watched intrigued, expecting some action to appear now.

"Swiper, no swiping!" Dora, the monkey next to her and Rika shouted simultaneosly. Three times.

"Ohh man." the fox replied, and escaped the scene.

"Yeah, he went away!" Rika exclaimed happily.

"I highly doubt that will work on reality." Robin sighed. "What will become of this society if we teach young minds stuff like this?"

Rika looked up to her, puzzled.

"Uncle Luffy's right. You  _do_  talk weird."

"Your Uncle Luffy believes the tv is a 'mystery box''" Robin commented. She took the remote from the space between them in the couch. "Mind if I change channel?"

"Ok. I watched this one this morning anyway." Robin changed station and a yellow sponge popped up. "Oh, let's see Sponge Bob!"

"This is wrong." Robin said. "Sponges can't live on the bottom of the sea, they float. That's completely irracional."

"But it's Sponge Bob." the kid said, as if that should be a reasonable excuse for her.

"And that's a towel." Robin tried to follow her logic, pointing at said towel near the couch. "But naming it doesn't make it racional."

"Then what are we going to watch?"

"Oh, this is a great program." Robin stopped at Discovery Channel. "Ancient Egypt. Fascinating."

"Wow, those pointy things are really tall!"

"They are called pyramids." Robin corrected, smiling at her enthusiasm. "And yes, they're pretty tall."

Rika started yawning while the man in the tv explained a lot of things in complicated words she didn't understand, but her mother's friend seemed to listen to it as if it was the most interesting thing on the world.

"Eek!" she suddenly yelled, firmly shutting her eyes and covering them with her hands.

"What's wrong?"

"That thing! Switch channel!"

"It's just the body of an ancient egyptian prince who's been buried wearing various bandages. It's harmless."

"It's a creepy-looking  _mummy_!"

"Nevertheless, it's harmless."

Without looking, Rika left and made her way to the kitchen, trying to get away from the creepy mummy being examined in the Discovery Channel. Robin shrugged.

"Talk about overreaction." she muttered. "It must run in Nami-chan's genes."

Time started passing and Nico Robin found herself being completely drained by the tv. The story was so fascinating to her, that she couldn't help but keep watching it, momentarily forgetting about the world around her.

She came back to reality a while later -she didn't know how much- when the phone rang. It took her some time to locate it, but she picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Robin!" Nami's voice answered from the other side. "I just wanted to see how things were. Is everything alright?"

"Oh, hello Nami-chan." the historian greeted her. "Yes, so far everything is perfectly fine."

"Really? What have you been doing?"

"We watched tv, played chess, ate dinner. I must admit, being with the product of your sexual relationship with Zoro-san is quite more pleasant that what I initially though."

"Don't call it like that!"

"Oh, forgive me. I meant the product of your coit-"

"Wait, let me get this straight. You are having a good time? You aren't annoyed and mad because we left you in that situation?"

"No, it was quite understandable. And yes, I am actually having a good time right now."

"Told you! Robin-chwan is a sweet angel!" a male voice from the background yelled.

"Fine! Here's your stupid five bucks, ero-cook." another voice rang.

"Stop yelling you two! Luffy's trying to finish his toast!" Nami roared at them.

"Oh, Luffy's giving a speech?" Robin asked, curious.

"Yeah, right now. But everyone kind of stop listening to him after he told his fifth adventure with his brother. He's now at the tenth, and there are plenty more so don't worry."

"So you took Sanji-san with you at least."

"Yeah we did. Thanks to Tashigi, I wish we hadn't though."

"How so?"

"Well, Ace didn't like that he started praising Nojiko's beauty."

"I don't see why. He is familiarized with Sanji-san's ways, right?"

"Yeah. But still, it wasn't something to say in the middle of the church ceremony."

"Oh my."

"I know. I didn't know Garp's fist could send someone flying so far away in so little time. It's all recorded in Usopp's phone, by the way."

"Sounds like you're having fun then."

"So, did she go to sleep now?"

"I guess so."

"You  _guess_  so? You're not with her?"

"Not at this very moment, but-"

Robin's voice was cut off by the sound of several casserolls, saucepans and other kitchen stuff falling harshly on the kitchen floor, the loud metallic sounds filling in the whole house and making it slightly tremble.

"She's awake." Robin corrected.

She hung up before Nami had the chance to reply and walked into the kitchen.

Rika was lying beneath a whole mess of kitchen stuff. Luckily, she wasn't injured, and nothing had broken. Robin sighed in relief.

"Sorry, I wanted to get candy." Rika admitted, embarrased.

"It's ok. I believe it's time for you to go to bed."

"But I still want to-" Robin's expression was so cold, the little girl felt a chill run through her spine and the air suddenly froze, demonic aura emanating from the historian. "I'm very tired, maybe I should go to sleep."

"Good idea." the woman smiled to her.

Robin lead the way to Rika's bedroom and the kid entered the bed. However, as Robin was about to leave the room and turn off the light, the little girl called her.

"Yes?"

"Aunt Robin, can you read me a story?"

"Ok. Which story?" Robin agreed, sitting down on the bed next to Rika.

"I don't know. Any story!" the girl exclaimed excitedly.

"Ok, let me think for a moment." she paused for a moment and finally looked towards the small child with a smile. "Yes, I believe that story is quite appropriate."

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a lonely yet lovely tower of a big castle."

"Was she pretty?" Rika interrupted.

"I don't believe that is relevant to the plot." the girl pouted and Robin sighed. "Yes, she was quite charming. She had a very strange way of walking, through."

"What was her name?"

"It was very long and complicated. So we will call her Miss Doublefinger."

"Oh, ok. Go on!" the girl was pretty excited to hear a fairy tale she hadn't heard about before.

"So Miss Doublefinger was walking around the city one beautiful day, with her very strange way of walking, when suddenly he met him."

"A prince?"

"No. He was a big man who looked like a crocodile. We'll call him Mr. Zero."

"And he wasn't a prince?"

"No, he wasn't. He was a common citizen. Except he was rich. And famous. And quite good looking."

"Like a prince." the girl pointed out.

"Sure, why not?" Robin gave in. "Miss Doublefinger fell completely for Mr. Zero, it was love at first sight. However, there was one problem with the relationship, he was actually dating a very intelligent, beautiful and charming woman, who we will call Miss All Sunday."

"Anyway, that didn't matter to the princess, who was used to getting everything she wanted. So she and Mr. Zero started seeing each other secretly. At her place, at hotels, at the office..."

"Office? I thought there weren't offices at that time..."

"You were wrong. Croc-, I mean, Mr. Zero and Miss Doublefinger were together in his office. A lot."

"And did Miss All Sunday find out?"

"Yes, I'm getting to that part. As I said previously, Miss All Sunday was a very smart woman, so she noticed inmediately something was going on. She also had a secret herself, she was one of the most powerful magicians in the world."

"A witch!"

"No, she wasn't a  _witch_. She was a magician. A good one."

"Oh, I see..."

"So, as I was saying, Miss All Sunday suspected something was up, so she started following Mr. Zero, and eventually found him with Miss Doublefinger at a hotel room. A cheap one, by the way."

"What were they doing?"

"He was  _doing_  her."

"But what?"

"Sex, naturally."

"I don't understand..."

"Never mind."

"So, what happened?"

"She killed them." Robin smiled at the girl, for some reason happy with that ending.

"What?"

"She used her magic to summon multiple arms and broke Mr. Zero and Miss Doublefinger's spine in the blink of an eye. The end."

"So the princess  _dies_? That's it?"

"That is correct. Lovely story, isn't it?"

"No! The princess is supposed to survive and marry the prince!"

"Well, on the bright side, they met again in the afterlife. In hell."

"I don't like that story." the girl protested.

"How so?"

"It doesn't have a happy ending!"

"Yes it has. For Miss All Sunday."

"Don't you know another story, Aunt Robin?"

"I suppose I know a few of the classics. Little red riding hood is ok with you?"

"Yes!"

"Very well. Once upon a time, there was a little girl who wore a red hooded cloak, hence her name 'little red riding hood'. She was young and naive, and had a grandmother who lived deep inside the forest. Her grandmother fell ill, so Little red riding hood, being the smart girl she was, entered the forest filled with creepy creatures all by herself in order to visit her."

"After wondering around the forest for a while, she runs into the Big Bad Wolf. He had been following the girl and was hungry, so when Little red riding hood asks for indications, he tells her she should pick up some flowers first. She accepts the idea and goes to pick up some flowers. Meanwhile, the wolf visited the grandmother and ate her completely." Rika shrugged, but the woman kept narrating the story. "When Little red riding hood arrives to the house, she finds the wolf disguised as the grandmother, but doesn't recognize her."

"Little red riding hood comments on her grandmother's big head, then on her big eyes, then on her nose, and finally her teeth. To the latter, the wolf replies 'they are bigger so I can eat you better'. And he eats her. However, the story did not end there. A hunter, who had been following the wolf, enters the house and shoots the wolf, then tries to rescue the grandmother and granddaughter, but since he was there too late, he filled the wolf with stones and threw him to the river. Where it drowned. The end."

"I thought Little red riding hood survived..." Rika yawned, feeling sleepy.

"No she doesn't. She was eaten, she couldn't have lasted long enough in the wolf's digestive system in order to-" she noticed the girl's eyes were now closed. "Good night, Rika."

Nico Robin stood up, turned off the light and left, closing firmly the door behind her.

 

 

**oo00oo00oo00oo00oo**

The next morning, Rika woke up early, and quickly left bed. She found her father on the kitchen, reading the newspaper, while her mother commented something about the high prices of the supermarket.

"Good morning" the little girl said with a small yawn, sitting next to her mother.

"Good morning sweetie" Nami smiled. "Did you have fun with Aunt Robin last night?"

"It was fine." the kid commented. "But I do have one doubt about something she said."

"What is it?" her mother asked while she drank her tea peacefully.

"What is sex?" Nami's cup fell from her hands and shattered into a hundred pieces. 


End file.
